What Did We Play Yesterday?

"My honey."

oh my god

help

I have a confession. Console gaming brings out the worst in me. I am a bad sport by nature and gentle friends, let me tell you. This is not something that has mellowed with age.

I'm pretty chill with my PC games. Maybe it's because I have a much wider variety of stuff to play, including slow-paced and non-competitive games one doesn't get overly worked up about. I can even handle tricky 2D platformers pretty well with a minimum of bad attitude. What gets me is 3D platformers, fighting games, and driving games.

I got soooo pissed at Super Mario Odyssey. The ending sequence. I'm sitting there cussing up a storm, and realizing I can never play games in front of my child because I don't want them to see what a hideous monster I am. I kept dying on the Bowser escape sequence, got super pissed, turned off the Switch for a break. Came back and realized I HAD TO START OVER at the boss battle because I didn't, or couldn't, save, and I was like

I will not do this to my family

And I gently put the controller down for the day. Gently. With great restraint, because it was $70.

I've been playing Fast RMX (review forthcoming) and not gonna lie, I get ~a li'l bit pissy~ It has a multiplayer and, yeah, no. No way. The only way I can safely play the game is on Time Attack, where I just practice tracks by myself. As soon as I get on the circuit it's like watch out bitches. I'm smashing into cars left and right, grabbing everyone's pussy, I'm a filthy animal. I want to get Mario Kart 8 but I'm legitimately worried it might end in murder. I'm afraid if I lose I will murder my friend. And I only have like 1 friend so, you know. Not a great strategy. It's hard to meet people.

P says I'm having flashbacks of frustrations with earlier Nintendo systems and maybe he's right, I was really bad at games for a long time. I think part of what drives me into a rage on SMO is I know for a fact Nintendo fine-tuned the shit out of that game. It's super-accessible and you can skip a lot of stuff. You can actually skip most of the boss battles if you want. So I get to the end and I keep dying on the escape sequence of all things, and I have this flashback where I keep getting killed by 1 (one) goomba or something and I snap. Like my grown ass cannot beat this game are you for real? There's no way I'm going to throw a $70 controller (I was a card-carrying controller thrower back in the day) so I just let loose with this horrific stream of profanity. It would make a decent person's hair fall out.

Well, I beat the thing. I'm still playing because it's open-ended. But Nintendo can take the 500-something moons I'm never gonna find and stick them up their collective ass.